||[May. 27th, 2005|10:28 pm]
My conscience keeps bugging me. There are certain things that I feel should be said to certain people, and I haven't said them because.. well, I don't know why. Because I haven't. But I have a few apologies and explanations for folks, and I just can't have a clear conscience until I get these things out. Whether or not these people end up reading this is up to them; but it's out in the open for them, any time.
To Jason V.: I'm sorry for always being such a bitch to you. It's childish of me to be mean to you just because I dislike you. I do dislike you, but that's no reason for me to wish you'd just leave me the hell alone and get out of my life forever. :D
^-- see. The happy face means I was being nice. :)
To Wala: Thank you for not picking up your phone when I called you (several times) back in January. Whether it was coincidental or on purpose, I think it's a good thing that I didn't speak to you. You're a great guy and I wish we could continue to be friends, but I somehow get the feeling from you that you'll never really be able to be friends with me again. Maybe I'm wrong - but I guess it's hard to look at someone you break up with as a regular person again.
To Jeannie: I'm sorry that I sort of ended up copying your style, and tried to copy your personality, when I first got you as an LJ friend; in my defense, I didn't even realize I was doing it. In a time when I was struggling to find my own identity, even on LJ, I guess I ended up latching on to the most solid one, which was yours. You're an amazing girl and I'm sorry if it ever felt like I was stealing your identity - I remember you making a post to that effect, but if you were talking about me or about someone else, I don't know. I just wanted to say that looking back, I can see it now - and I'm sorry.
To Mike B.: I.. really don't like you that much, and I feel bad for saying that but it's the truth. We just don't mesh right. It's not that we disagree on things; we just agree for TOTALLY different reasons, and to me it's a little unsettling. You don't understand anything I say and everything you say makes me think you're an idiot. I really don't know why we're still LJ friends, so I'm going to take you off my list. I just don't like you.
To Veronica: I think you're insane and I know that you didn't have the greatest past, but god fucking damn. Chin up and get over it - that's my official advice. Take it or leave it, but don't blow up in my face again :D. Also, I'm still waiting for my glasses.
To Steven W.: I have to admit, your senior year I thought you had a crush on me and I was a little weirded out (because I'm bad at awkward situations like unreturned affections). I'm a little embarrassed about thinking that at the time because it means that I'm arrogant and self-centered. :D But it's been well over a year since that, so please don't hold it against me.
To Toren: I'm sorry that I was very awkward when you said what you did last time we talked, but really, I don't like you all that much. We don't talk anymore so we're not close - and really, I don't want to be. I'm sorry if that makes me a bitch, but I'm only trying to tell the truth here. And to be told that you were loved by somebody who has only ever known you online, and didn't really know you all that well (except for your boob size), is a little strange.
To Tom: I'm sorry that I'm really not the girl that I was those years ago, and I'm sorry that you expected me to be. I have a life that expands beyond IRC and the Lab now, and I have for awhile, and any ties that I made with most of the people from Scifi have either been maintained over the years or mostly dissintegrated. So don't take it personally. :/
Anybody else who feels like I should have something to say to them, please let me know. If we have any loose ends, I'll tie them up or at least torch the remaining threads. :)
But pretty much, if you're not on the list - and I guess it's pretty short, all in all - I've either completely forgotten that we have issues with each other, or I don't think that we HAVE any issues. Also, please keep in mind that what I've said here are my beliefs and my feelings, and not open for dispute. You can try to argue, but the fact remains that I feel this way and that's probably not going to change.
Public entry so that those not on my list can see it. Please don't comment anonymously - it's just harrassing. If you have something to say, say it yourself. :)